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I think there’s definitely something about getti I think there’s definitely something about getting to the place where you’re facing death in your 20’s and all the sudden you really don’t give two cents about what other people think and that’s a good thing. Death wakes you up, but only for so long because once you make it out alive, it’s up to you to stay awake. You’d think after an experience like that I’d be living like there’s no tomorrow and to be honest, in the beginning it was really easy to do that. However, as time passes, life gets back to “normal” and you get further from the trauma, further from your face to face with the end, further from the thing that you had to so heavily revolve your life around because it revolved itself around you. And suddenly, you’re struggling to stay awake because you no longer have anything tangible to fight against. That’s the thing about needing a new heart, when you need it - it frees you up because “you only live once” right? But what happens when you’re no longer living in the narrative of “only living once?” What happens when you’ve survived over and over again and you end up here for much longer than your illness told you that you would? the full post is up on ruintorise.com 💙🦋🌊 🕊️ Moving Forward is Healing - 🔗 link in bio
I forgot how much writing gives me the ability to I forgot how much writing gives me the ability to breathe again. For the longest time, I’ve felt like I lost my ability to write. It’s almost as if I started believing that in giving up my own heart, giving up the piece of myself that made me - me, meant it would take a part of me with it and for a while there - it started to feel like that part was my writing. after getting a new heart, it’s almost as if your “second life” starts. That’s how my brother always talked about his. There was your life before your new heart and life after. They were two separate lives. Two different realities... but for a moment in time, I didn’t have a heart inside me... there was the time between my two hearts, where my old heart was out of my chest, but the new one was not yet placed. the sacred in between - where a machine was breathing for me as I laid there on the table, unaware of who I would be... the full post is up on ruintorise.com 🤎 🕊️ Breathing Again - 🔗 link in bio
POST UPDATED 6/1/2025❤️ slowly i’m finding POST UPDATED 6/1/2025❤️ slowly i’m finding my way & my rhythm when it comes to how I can continue to share my story but not be engulfed by social media. which I haven’t been able to do for far too long. to put it simply, I don’t think I have ever experienced what it’s like to truly live because I’ve been trying to prove to myself and the world that I’m worthy of it. Since I was 18 I have been begging the internet to tell me that I matter, to tell me that I’m loved, to tell me that I’m enough. I’ve convinced myself that I’m helping others by using social media when really part of me has used it to tend to my own wounds. (Did I just write that and post it on the internet?) I want nothing more than to use my words and my presence to help people, but I can’t do that when the thing I was continually doing was keeping me out of the present and out of peace. I spent 10 years sharing my health struggles and some of my life’s lowest moments - to eventually getting a new heart. I’ve spent that last 5 trying to prove that I’m doing enough to earn the new heart that I have and my soul just can’t keep up with it at the pace that social media demands. I wrote this recently in my journal…. “What if the purpose of me getting a new heart was actually just to give me the chance to live? What if it was always that simple? What if it was actually just a gift and I’ve just had a really hard time accepting it?” for the last few months off social media i’ve been finding out what it actually means to live and what I actually want out of my life. as of late may 2025 i’ve started writing again on my blog ruintorise.com which is where you can find my writings because that’s something i’ve learned I want a part of my life. as for the rest of this instagram world— we’re figuring it out. Ok bye love you!!! But Jesus does more.
girls day 🫶🏼 girls day 🫶🏼
and whatever happens next, Gods got us. 🙏🏻 and whatever happens next, Gods got us. 🙏🏻

Copyright © 2025 · Ruin to Rise · Hearten Made

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